Trust No One But Yourself

I think today is one of those days where I literally "got up on the wrong side of the bed". It was just one shitty thing after another. Firstly my alarm clock was set HALF AN HOUR late...which sort of defeats the purpose of it being an "alarm" clock if it wakes you up at the wrong time anyway! So by the time I had gotten up ...I had missed my bus. So after that disastrous start to my day..I get this "msg" from my b/f, which was meant to be a joke but really upset me.

I won't disclose the contents of the msg, all you need to know is that it really made me upset andmade me feel like he had taken my trust for granted...and I think it made me realise just how important that element of trust really is in our relationships.
My relationship particuarly with Sanel is highly based on trust...I see him once ( possibly twice if we're lucky) so that leaves me 6 days without him, where he is free to do as he pleases. Hence, I have to trust him that he is where he tells me he is..etc. I do trust him, proabbly more than anyone in my life , which is why I hate it so much when I have to even question it because I would like to think that I don't have to.

Trust has always been a tricky issue with me. Even when I was a kid I never really trusted anyone. I remember in Kindergarten when I would bawl my head off whenever my mum left me by myself...so she had to stay with me throughout my entire 3 yr old kindergarten year (yes, I know Im "special" =P ) . Anyways, one day she told me she was going to the toilet and after about 5 Minutes I quickly ran and saw her backing her car out of the carpark and driving off and leaving me. Well I certainly bawled my eyes out and started screaming shit in chinese at the teachers ( haha yes I was an unusual child!). But after that day everytime my mum would tell me she was going to the loo, I woudl follow her, which goes to show I had lost my trust in her.

So as you can see besides having a "unique" childhood ( haha), Ive always had issues of trust with people in my life. With friends, through high school I have had to learn about it in the hard way esp. with all the bitching/backstabbing going on in my group!
In relationships besides having it (trust) broken by faggots who cheated on me...I've always found it really hard to fully trust my partner....

It is always something that has gotten me into trouble, but it just seems that everytime I end up opening myself up to somebody I just end up being hurt again. However, I think this time with Sanel its diff... He has never once given me a reason to doubt my trust in him. If anything I have let him down with some of the regrettable things I have done in the past.

They often say love is not enough to make a relationship last... I agree with this b/c I think you need love, trust, respect and a sense of humor to make it work. I am not going to sit here and boast to you that I have a perfect relationship with Sanel, because I dont. We have our fights, we still have our moments where nothing seems right to either of us...yet despite it all I will love him simply because he is a part of me that I can't live without.

Volim Te Sanel